My Wiener Dog Hates Militant Vegan Straight Edge Music- and where I’m submitting (and getting rejected) Go Lightspeed!!

2 08 2011

In the early 90’s I was a follower of the hardcore scene- hardcore as in punk rock, not like porn- though by some definitions…  Anyway, a coworker invited me to a straight-edge hardcore all ages show a few days ago and I didn’t go (though I was tempted, just like I was tempted to get back on my skateboard two years ago and now I don’t walk so good). Still it evoked memories and I came home and pulled out the old Earth Crisis single “Firestorm,” and let me just say- wow, I mean, like, frightening and fascist and self-aggrandizing evil. Here are a sample of the lyrics:

Earth Crisis: Firestorm

Street by street. Block by block. Taking it all back.

The youth’s immersed in poison–turn the tide

counterattack. Violence against violence, let the roundups begin.

A firestorm to purify the bane that society drowns in. No

mercy, no exceptions, a declaration of total war.

The innocents’ defense is the reason it’s waged for.

… See? Violence against violence? Let theroundups begin? The ROUNDUPS!?? I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure that roundups are the exact opposite of doing good. Let’s just say that in a certain country on a certain oft neglected continent, a colonial European regime terrorized and subjugated an entire native population and put its most charismatic and effective leader in an 8X10 cell for decades and when he got out of prison and took his country over the first thing he did was tell the people asking for ROUNDUPS that they could go suck it. No wonder I never listened to the lyrics, but the guitars rocked.

I gave these people five dollars once.

So I’m listening to this panoply of crap and enjoying it like the sugar daddy of nostalgia that it is and I realized that every time I played (three in total) my Dachshund would run into the other room and get under a blanket. He doesn’t do that when I listen to Motor Head. As my friend Todd Cook once said: Straight Edge is the Republican Party of Punk Rock. He might have said the Nazi Party of Punk Rock but unfortunately there already is one of those.

So onto getting and not getting published. I want to take this opportunity to give a big ol’ shout out to the speed demons of slush management at Lightspeed Magazine. They received, processed and rejected my submission to them in three days! I hate to say it, but that kicked ass. You never get such quick resolution in this game. I mean most places are two to three months  and some of the bigger venues can push six- for a rejection! I also want to point out that it is a really slick outfit with all of the bells and whistles that set it apart from operations like… well, like this! Good fiction, definitely a feather in your cap if they buy you. Also good non-fiction, I just go sucked into an article (and I mean just minutes ago when I was making the link earlier in this paragraph) about the types of responses to alien invasions and types of invasions represented in various sci-fi media. It was written by one Jeremiah Tolbert, who, if you want to know, wrote a great story that was published in Interzone that involves a lot of decomposition and brave choices of tense. I should probably put him in my writers I want to harass box, but he seems busy.

So Go LIGHTSPEED! …even though you can’t really “go light speed,” I mean, that’s ridiculous, it would take all the energy in the universe to go light speed and if you did that you wouldn’t have anywhere to go now would you. Nope, it is much easier to go the magazine version of Lightspeed.

Coming up next: My interview with Elizabeth Bear- author of such Hugo Award wining tales as Tideline, and Shoggoths In Bloom. If you don’t know her, go to a bookstore or any library with a stack of sci-fi anthologies from the last seven years and pick three at random- odds are good that all three with have one of her stories in there….

That is the Science of Fiction

you know what is coming up next.




One response

7 01 2012

I hate Straight-Edge and Vegan ‘punk’ fags so much. They think they’re so independent and responsible, when in reality they’re making blind choices based on identification with a music genre or clothing style based on information they learned on Public Service Announcements and 5th grade; i.e. lies. They’re exactly the sort of brainwashed little moralizing douchebags that the government loves; dipshit tools who think they’re counter-culture.

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